There was a tramp came in to my work the other day. i let him in through the locked door as its difficult to see whos there and most people when presented with a locked door have a mental embolism anyway. So this tramp comes in and i thought "oh shit" you know like you do and i listened to his little speech about how hes not a tramp he just needs some money to get to hospital. He then showed me this large gash on his arm which was yellow, softly scabbed and oozing, i agreed that it was in need of treatment and he said "theres more all over my body and started to lift his shirt up. I said "i beliive you pal"- id seen enough quite frankly. He then asked me what time it was- i said three o' clock. His reply was "in the daytime?" it was light outside, and the shops were open and yet he repeated in his irish tramp voice "tree o clock in de daytime?". i made him a coffee on the basis that he fucked off, but before he went his did an intense shiver that can only be described as blood-curdling.
i also eat a 20oz rump steak the other night; and the alarming part wasn't the size of the steak (it was about the size of A4 paper) but how easily it went down- i finished with no ill effects.
this is a picture of B&Q in leyton.
TRAMP JOKES
Whats a tramps favourite Richard Pryor film?
SPECIAL BREWsters Millions!
Whats a tramps favourite Bing Crosby song?
WHITE LIGHTNING Christmas!
c'mon!
3 comments:
Who's the secret service's number one tramp agent?
JAMES VagaBOND.
That's got to be my best yet.
Who is the tramp housewife's favourite TV presenter?
DEStitute Lynam.
Which tramp used to present family fortunes and was later cruelly cuckolded by his empty headed wannabe?
HomeLESs Dennis.
there used to be this bum who came into my bar now and then called Irish John. He was a pain in the arse but sometimes good for a laugh, claiming the I.R.A. burnt his dog down and that he was only on the gay scene because he was lonely but he couldn't imagine sucking you off thanks. until he was barred for brandishing a machete, his best skit happened one day when i was alone in the bar. the door opens but noone comes in, apart from a lemon that comes rolling up to the bar. i'm looking at this lemon, thinking what the fuck, when a few seconds later Irish John comes in and says, in his think northern irish accent:
"if dat had been a grenade, yoyed be dead buy noy"
class.
i too thought of the homeLess Dennis one, but you're teasing question is world class. i'm so proud of your progress.
everyone knows a tramp.
there used to be a guy who wasnt a tramp but had the shakes called "shaky john" who came into the pub where i worked.
Post a Comment