Driven home for Christmas

Andy Warhol said "Sex is nostalgia for Sex". I dont know about that, but Christmas is definitely nostalgia for Christmas. Obviously there's the "Santa really exists, arent toys brilliant" childhood nostalgia, but the thing which struck me when we went back to my parents was the nostalgia for being in the family home. I get this every year i'm not at home for Christmas and i get the feeling of missing out on something warm and friendly, but having been there it's always distinctly underwhelming. Not that i had a shit time, my mum and dad are always more than accomodating and generous, but seeing the people from school and my home town makes me thankful i got out of that shithole. my oldest friend and fellow evacuee was presented with his old school chums on xmas eve, and when he explained he works as a volunteer for amnesty international, was challenged and badgered about asylum seekers and other ignorant racist cliches. Whats my point? i always go off the boil a bit...

home is where the heart is?
racists oot?
buy banal pig comic number three?
i dont know ...any ideas?

Happy New Ye-arr!

Handsome Devil

I've decided to put an actual picture of myself as my profile pic.

Christmas

its the thing on everyones lips, thats right. i finished my shopping today, which is a world record because i usually finish some time after xmas. anyway, i've not really got a lot to say except merry christmas, winterval, yuletide etc. and thanks to everyone who's chipped in with comments and jokes and ting.

Lets have some jokes:

NOSE JOKES

Why are noses not that good at golf?

Because they always get a BOGEY!

What do do if the Nose asks you to join his strike?

PICKET!

What do tramp noses sell?

The Big TISSUE!

Why did the nose's mother think he might have a future as an athlete?

Because he was always RUNNING!

I demand more!

Tramps and Christmas

There was a tramp came in to my work the other day. i let him in through the locked door as its difficult to see whos there and most people when presented with a locked door have a mental embolism anyway. So this tramp comes in and i thought "oh shit" you know like you do and i listened to his little speech about how hes not a tramp he just needs some money to get to hospital. He then showed me this large gash on his arm which was yellow, softly scabbed and oozing, i agreed that it was in need of treatment and he said "theres more all over my body and started to lift his shirt up. I said "i beliive you pal"- id seen enough quite frankly. He then asked me what time it was- i said three o' clock. His reply was "in the daytime?" it was light outside, and the shops were open and yet he repeated in his irish tramp voice "tree o clock in de daytime?". i made him a coffee on the basis that he fucked off, but before he went his did an intense shiver that can only be described as blood-curdling.

i also eat a 20oz rump steak the other night; and the alarming part wasn't the size of the steak (it was about the size of A4 paper) but how easily it went down- i finished with no ill effects.

this is a picture of B&Q in leyton.

TRAMP JOKES

Whats a tramps favourite Richard Pryor film?

SPECIAL BREWsters Millions!

Whats a tramps favourite Bing Crosby song?

WHITE LIGHTNING Christmas!

c'mon!

BIRMINGHAM etc

So it's all over. Always the anti-climax these cons. On balance it was worth it but these things are never as profitable as you hope they might be. On the plus side, i got to meet my internet friends in real life (JVS, Mick's Secret Identity, Trains are Mint and Trains are mint's missus) and had a general good crack with all my bristol homies. The quality of the small press was a bit weak, and this may be to do with the somewhat prohibitive cost of having a stall (£70), but i enjoyed the new Monkeys Might Puke by Dan Lester and Paul Rainey's There's no time like the present, also the Midlands Comics Collective anthology was very good, excepting one or two ropey ones- "Wolf Force" or whatever it was called- im thinking of you. Hopefully the Web and mini comix thing in Mile End in March will have a bit more breadth of small press talent- i have to book a table for that.

Moving on, the 36-hour Pun Marathon in Birmingham has cemented the idea of the Banal Pig Jokebook, provisionally titled "Pun Pundred and Pun Puns" so keep those jokes flying in and those who make it into the book will receive a credit and a free jokebook woooooooo! also i might ask for illustrations for the jokes too, we'll see

We were rocking the Fish and Chocolate jokes the other night-

What happened when the chocolate reject the coconut?

There was a Mutiny on the BOUNTY!

What fish singer sang "PRAWN in the USA?"

Bruce LANGOUSTINE!

What did the fish Mama Cass sing?

BREAM a little BREAM of me!

Bonus Joke

Why did the Fig get arrested?

Because he was accused of DATE RAPE!


ppppppp!

The BANAL PIG TRILOGY and crap characters

He's back from the printers and looking good. I think that this issue nicely wraps up a few of the themes that have run through the other banal pigs and there's a few back references which make reading all three more enjoyable i reckon. This is a bit of a full stop, or if not a full stop then a semi colon you know ; as i plan to do a couple of different things, namely Ethel Sparrowhawk and a full length Cat Dad comic, plus the BP Portrait anthology before returning to Banal Pig 4. And BP4 will probably be in a different format. i dont know yet- its quite far down the line and will probably be informed by what i do in the meantime. i'd like to have a bit of colour in there, but at the scale i'm printing now, i couldnt make it cheap enough. A few new characters* hopefully.

are you listening Top Shelf/ Fantagraphics? will you pay?

Birmingham this weekend. Woo hoo!

*i've got a few characters that i've never found a decent story for-

Strong Baby
Truculent Strawberry- a stella drinking thug with a strawberry for a head
Dead Scrote- a zombie dole scrounger
Ignorant Horse
Gay Banana
Sexy Ghost- an attractive lady ghost with a strong sexual appetite that cannot be satisfied because she has no physical manifestation

what do you think? do any of these characters spark an interest? like to see more? think you can write a story for them? go on then, but i hold the copyrights.

oh yes, the BANAL PIG JOKEBOOK will also be coming soon, so some of YOUR better jokes could be in there. what about that? sounds good eh? Participation?

Unstructured post.

Ethel Sparrowhawk

I've set up a myspace for ethel sparrrowhawk, my next venture into funny books written by Jemima Von Schindelberg (Imitation of Life, right) . www.myspace.com/ethelsparrowhawk

meanwhile, i've checked the proof and i should get bp3 back today or tomorrow. huzzah!

i wish i could do hotlinks and all that, but i cant.

FFFFFIIIIINNNNNIIIISSSSHHHHEEEEDDDDD!!!!!!

I've Fucking FINISHED Banal Pig 3! i took it into the printers this morning, and all being well, it will be ready and beautiful midweek next week in good time for the Birmingham Comic Expo. I've had a few early mornings and late nights this week to get the fucking thing done but as it stands i think i've done okay. at the time of writing i'm getting a little bit pissed and i'm gonna well enjoy my lie in tomorrow (even though i've got to work). finished! i hope there's not some fuck up. anyway i see the proof on monday and i'll let you know how it's getting on. i can also now look forward to birmingham without a gnawing sense of desperation.

POTATO JOKES

What potato leads rats off cliffs?

The MARIS PIPER of Hamlyn!

What do you call a fried grated potato who is high on drugs?

A HASHISH BROWN!

Whats a potatos favourite 70's sitcom/drama based in Vietnam?

M*A*S*H!

Theres probably more... Do me proud blog lovers!