Driven home for Christmas

Andy Warhol said "Sex is nostalgia for Sex". I dont know about that, but Christmas is definitely nostalgia for Christmas. Obviously there's the "Santa really exists, arent toys brilliant" childhood nostalgia, but the thing which struck me when we went back to my parents was the nostalgia for being in the family home. I get this every year i'm not at home for Christmas and i get the feeling of missing out on something warm and friendly, but having been there it's always distinctly underwhelming. Not that i had a shit time, my mum and dad are always more than accomodating and generous, but seeing the people from school and my home town makes me thankful i got out of that shithole. my oldest friend and fellow evacuee was presented with his old school chums on xmas eve, and when he explained he works as a volunteer for amnesty international, was challenged and badgered about asylum seekers and other ignorant racist cliches. Whats my point? i always go off the boil a bit...

home is where the heart is?
racists oot?
buy banal pig comic number three?
i dont know ...any ideas?

Happy New Ye-arr!

Handsome Devil

I've decided to put an actual picture of myself as my profile pic.

Christmas

its the thing on everyones lips, thats right. i finished my shopping today, which is a world record because i usually finish some time after xmas. anyway, i've not really got a lot to say except merry christmas, winterval, yuletide etc. and thanks to everyone who's chipped in with comments and jokes and ting.

Lets have some jokes:

NOSE JOKES

Why are noses not that good at golf?

Because they always get a BOGEY!

What do do if the Nose asks you to join his strike?

PICKET!

What do tramp noses sell?

The Big TISSUE!

Why did the nose's mother think he might have a future as an athlete?

Because he was always RUNNING!

I demand more!

Tramps and Christmas

There was a tramp came in to my work the other day. i let him in through the locked door as its difficult to see whos there and most people when presented with a locked door have a mental embolism anyway. So this tramp comes in and i thought "oh shit" you know like you do and i listened to his little speech about how hes not a tramp he just needs some money to get to hospital. He then showed me this large gash on his arm which was yellow, softly scabbed and oozing, i agreed that it was in need of treatment and he said "theres more all over my body and started to lift his shirt up. I said "i beliive you pal"- id seen enough quite frankly. He then asked me what time it was- i said three o' clock. His reply was "in the daytime?" it was light outside, and the shops were open and yet he repeated in his irish tramp voice "tree o clock in de daytime?". i made him a coffee on the basis that he fucked off, but before he went his did an intense shiver that can only be described as blood-curdling.

i also eat a 20oz rump steak the other night; and the alarming part wasn't the size of the steak (it was about the size of A4 paper) but how easily it went down- i finished with no ill effects.

this is a picture of B&Q in leyton.

TRAMP JOKES

Whats a tramps favourite Richard Pryor film?

SPECIAL BREWsters Millions!

Whats a tramps favourite Bing Crosby song?

WHITE LIGHTNING Christmas!

c'mon!

BIRMINGHAM etc

So it's all over. Always the anti-climax these cons. On balance it was worth it but these things are never as profitable as you hope they might be. On the plus side, i got to meet my internet friends in real life (JVS, Mick's Secret Identity, Trains are Mint and Trains are mint's missus) and had a general good crack with all my bristol homies. The quality of the small press was a bit weak, and this may be to do with the somewhat prohibitive cost of having a stall (£70), but i enjoyed the new Monkeys Might Puke by Dan Lester and Paul Rainey's There's no time like the present, also the Midlands Comics Collective anthology was very good, excepting one or two ropey ones- "Wolf Force" or whatever it was called- im thinking of you. Hopefully the Web and mini comix thing in Mile End in March will have a bit more breadth of small press talent- i have to book a table for that.

Moving on, the 36-hour Pun Marathon in Birmingham has cemented the idea of the Banal Pig Jokebook, provisionally titled "Pun Pundred and Pun Puns" so keep those jokes flying in and those who make it into the book will receive a credit and a free jokebook woooooooo! also i might ask for illustrations for the jokes too, we'll see

We were rocking the Fish and Chocolate jokes the other night-

What happened when the chocolate reject the coconut?

There was a Mutiny on the BOUNTY!

What fish singer sang "PRAWN in the USA?"

Bruce LANGOUSTINE!

What did the fish Mama Cass sing?

BREAM a little BREAM of me!

Bonus Joke

Why did the Fig get arrested?

Because he was accused of DATE RAPE!


ppppppp!

The BANAL PIG TRILOGY and crap characters

He's back from the printers and looking good. I think that this issue nicely wraps up a few of the themes that have run through the other banal pigs and there's a few back references which make reading all three more enjoyable i reckon. This is a bit of a full stop, or if not a full stop then a semi colon you know ; as i plan to do a couple of different things, namely Ethel Sparrowhawk and a full length Cat Dad comic, plus the BP Portrait anthology before returning to Banal Pig 4. And BP4 will probably be in a different format. i dont know yet- its quite far down the line and will probably be informed by what i do in the meantime. i'd like to have a bit of colour in there, but at the scale i'm printing now, i couldnt make it cheap enough. A few new characters* hopefully.

are you listening Top Shelf/ Fantagraphics? will you pay?

Birmingham this weekend. Woo hoo!

*i've got a few characters that i've never found a decent story for-

Strong Baby
Truculent Strawberry- a stella drinking thug with a strawberry for a head
Dead Scrote- a zombie dole scrounger
Ignorant Horse
Gay Banana
Sexy Ghost- an attractive lady ghost with a strong sexual appetite that cannot be satisfied because she has no physical manifestation

what do you think? do any of these characters spark an interest? like to see more? think you can write a story for them? go on then, but i hold the copyrights.

oh yes, the BANAL PIG JOKEBOOK will also be coming soon, so some of YOUR better jokes could be in there. what about that? sounds good eh? Participation?

Unstructured post.

Ethel Sparrowhawk

I've set up a myspace for ethel sparrrowhawk, my next venture into funny books written by Jemima Von Schindelberg (Imitation of Life, right) . www.myspace.com/ethelsparrowhawk

meanwhile, i've checked the proof and i should get bp3 back today or tomorrow. huzzah!

i wish i could do hotlinks and all that, but i cant.

FFFFFIIIIINNNNNIIIISSSSHHHHEEEEDDDDD!!!!!!

I've Fucking FINISHED Banal Pig 3! i took it into the printers this morning, and all being well, it will be ready and beautiful midweek next week in good time for the Birmingham Comic Expo. I've had a few early mornings and late nights this week to get the fucking thing done but as it stands i think i've done okay. at the time of writing i'm getting a little bit pissed and i'm gonna well enjoy my lie in tomorrow (even though i've got to work). finished! i hope there's not some fuck up. anyway i see the proof on monday and i'll let you know how it's getting on. i can also now look forward to birmingham without a gnawing sense of desperation.

POTATO JOKES

What potato leads rats off cliffs?

The MARIS PIPER of Hamlyn!

What do you call a fried grated potato who is high on drugs?

A HASHISH BROWN!

Whats a potatos favourite 70's sitcom/drama based in Vietnam?

M*A*S*H!

Theres probably more... Do me proud blog lovers!

Incompetent Shark Number 8- In Full- Free!

Hello Friends!

Here's a mouthwatering hors d'ouevre from the 75%ish complete BANAL PIG COMIC 3! In full no less! Make the most of it- you'll have to pay for everything else.

Stevo's Hot Picks

I bought Michael Kupperman's Tales Designed to Thrizzle 3 yesterday. It's brilliant- even better than number 1 which i loved (i missed number 2 somehow). I also got a book which is a frame by frame breakdown of Psycho (the film) which is rather nice, from a bootsale. i also got some socks from GAP (stripy).

What are your hot picks?

Googling Myself/ Anthology

Every few days, i google myself and banal pig to see how famous me and my comics are. i am happy that if you google banal pig all the top ten are relevant to me and the comic, but theres this one that always hovers around number 11 which is from some feminist group where banal pig appears as an anagram of their name. this annoys me a bit. theres a steve tillotson who is an expert on afghan hounds, and also one that works for the dakota department of waste management.
i found a review of the anthology that i contributed to, dan lester's Crap Your Pants Anthology, which does suffer from the narrow subject field (shitting yourself). and fair play to dan, he has publicised it far and wide- it pops up all over the place (unfortunately it invariably gets slagged off). i did an uncle ken strip which was quite good, and the review says that mine is one of the four strips worth bothering out of the (18 story) anthology, which is fair enough.
i suppose its good to stand out in a thing such as this with your peers, and i'm happy with it obviously, but it makes me think about my own anthology i'm planning. anthologies are always let down by a few really shit things, and i am going to attempt to create one which has no shit in it. i think open submissions is a bad idea for this because it seems crap people have a lot of time on their hands, so i'm concentrating on inviting people that i know will produce the goods. hopefully having a mix of prose, art and comics will give it a bit of an edge.

is it possible, a 100% quality (small press) anthology? has anyone ever seen one?

What do you want to do when you grow up?

I dont know, perhaps i'll work in a storage centre, i'll probably stay in education for the first 24 years of my life, then i'm bound to get a good job, arent i? or perhaps getting a masters degree will just make it all the more humiliating when i get a job i could have done when i was 16. i know i'll make comics. this way i can spend the majority of my free time slaving over tiny details which will go unnoticed by the person who pities me enough to by a copy (while the other 100 go unsold) as he occupies himself in five idle minutes on the shitter.
the only career choice worse is to be a "proper" artist, where you spend all your money (earned at your shit job) on putting a show together on the off chance that someone with influence will see it and instantly catapult you to fame and fortune. what actually happens is your friends and colleagues come to the private view, drink all the booze which is laid on by you and go home. for the next 2 weeks you "invigilate" the show, as a maximum of 2 people visit per day at the gallery you are paying a kings ransom for and taking time off work to boot.

still, one day i'll make it and all this will be ironic and amusing. you just watch me...

It's Coming Already!

I have now finished 11 pages of 28 for Banal Pig three. I have five weeks left and although i'm confident i'll get it finished, i've got to get my arse in gear as i've got a lot of stuff on in november. In the spirit of the sneaky peek, heres the first two panels of Jolly Bear and fun coconut, which almost carries on from the seperate minicomic which they feature in which is STILL AVAILABLE, but hurry last few copies left!

My collaborator and great mate Gareth Van Brookes is putting out a MAN MAN Xmas special which is shaped like a party hat and he is including a little cracker style joke in each one. Here are some that we have come up with so far, but he needs your help with more...

XMAS JOKES

What do barbers have for Xmas dinner?

Turkey and all the TRIMMINGS!

What tax does Mayor Ken Livingstone levy on Londoners eating their christmas dinner?

INDIGESTION Charge!

What record of the days adventures does James T. Kirk make on Xmas Day?

The Captain's YULE LOG!

Come on friends- make a difference and your joke could really affect someones life!

New Anthology I'm putting together

Call for Applications

I am looking for contributions for a comic/writing anthology, entitled The BP (Banal Pig) Portrait Prize. There is no prize however, it’s just called that because of the real BP Portrait Prize (at the National Portrait Gallery in London), which is a bit rubbish. Anyway the theme of the anthology (unsurprisingly) is Portraiture, and this could take a number of forms, e.g. self-portraiture or a portrait of something/someone that you either love or hate.
The tone I’m looking for is light-hearted or tongue in cheek, and this can include weird and dark, but no po-faced tributes to your granddad or anything like that. It can be any of these forms:
Image and text
Comic Strip
Prose/ poetry
Or Large Pic/s with no text at all.

I’m not particularly bothered about technical artistic skill as long as it’s heart felt and genuine, and no shit please.

Email me at stevotillotson@hotmail.com if you’re interested.

Pop Jokes

What is the rare and exotic pop that faces extinction?

The Bengal TIZER!

What is the hilarious comedy starring the pop Richard Pryor?

IRN BRU-sters millions!

Why was the frenchman satisfied with his orange pop?

Because it was the LAST TANGO IN PARIS!

What was the fizzy pop Eurovision also ran?

ORAN-GINA G!

What's a pop's favourite game show?

The Price is SPRITE!

Try it yourself, and i'll see you next time!

OH YES! ITS BISCUIT JOKES!

Which popular biscuit duo were formerly in 10cc and had hits including "Cry" and "Under your Thumb?"

Godley and CUSTARD CREAM!

What is biscuit christmas also known as?

The DIGESTIVE season!

What was the famous scottish biscuit prince?

BOURBON-nie Prince Charlie!

What was the famous trilogy of nonsense written by the biscuit JRR Tolkein?

Lord of the COCONUT RINGS!


Come on, i have high hopes from you punsters, expecially you JVS!

The empowered individual

What ho, my 32 profile viewers! now's your chance to make a difference to at least half a dozen peoples lives. Please vote for your favourite cover for banal pig comic number 3 out of the two rough sketches presented above. Even if you dont care, get involved. why not? i expect great things from you, the empowered individual!

hello. this is a frame from a new BP character, Irate Robot, although he is not particularly irate at this point.

EGG JOKES

what does the egg lord of the manor not tolerate in his grounds?
POACHING!

what does the egg frank sinatra sing?
come FRY with me!

what do the egg smiths sing?
that YOLK isn't funny anymore!

whats the popular song sung by timon and pumba in the egg lion king?
hakuna FRITTATA!

5 down, 23 to go

so here's a little glimpse of banal pig 3, our good friends bp junior and ambivalent elephant junior engaged in more fancies. i'm not showing the whole thing because quite frankly it's too good to give away for free. i'm not a benevolent web comic maker, you have to pay for my shit. i went to the royal college of art dont you know.
as the title suggests, i've finished five pages, so only have to finish another 23 and get it laid out and printed in 2 months before the birmingham comic thing. i'm confident it'll be ready, and i'll probably do a freebie minicomic too, but i've not decided what form that will take yet.

summet for t'ladies

hello, how are you? fine thanks. good. changeable weather isn't he? quite, quite. did you know the bristol dialect puts an l on words that end in a vowel? well its true. for example, idea becomes "ideal", area becomes "areal" and Asda "Asdal". Thats funny isnt it? how those funny commoners talk. so i found this little cart in an antique/junk shop which someones painted "emmerdale farm" on. it must be an antique because its not been called emmerdale farm for ages, its just emmerdale. funny mood today? yes me too.