EGG JOKES

what does the egg lord of the manor not tolerate in his grounds?
POACHING!

what does the egg frank sinatra sing?
come FRY with me!

what do the egg smiths sing?
that YOLK isn't funny anymore!

whats the popular song sung by timon and pumba in the egg lion king?
hakuna FRITTATA!

5 down, 23 to go

so here's a little glimpse of banal pig 3, our good friends bp junior and ambivalent elephant junior engaged in more fancies. i'm not showing the whole thing because quite frankly it's too good to give away for free. i'm not a benevolent web comic maker, you have to pay for my shit. i went to the royal college of art dont you know.
as the title suggests, i've finished five pages, so only have to finish another 23 and get it laid out and printed in 2 months before the birmingham comic thing. i'm confident it'll be ready, and i'll probably do a freebie minicomic too, but i've not decided what form that will take yet.

summet for t'ladies

hello, how are you? fine thanks. good. changeable weather isn't he? quite, quite. did you know the bristol dialect puts an l on words that end in a vowel? well its true. for example, idea becomes "ideal", area becomes "areal" and Asda "Asdal". Thats funny isnt it? how those funny commoners talk. so i found this little cart in an antique/junk shop which someones painted "emmerdale farm" on. it must be an antique because its not been called emmerdale farm for ages, its just emmerdale. funny mood today? yes me too.

Stuff like that and stuff like that

A double shot of pictures today- the first a man taking a piss outside our house taken by my girllfriend the other night. look closely and you can see his widgy, and number two being a picture of "vampirella" which i did at the bristol comic expo as a freebie, but no-one wanted it and i dont really want it either so i will publish it electronically before i gets binned.

VEGETABLE JOKES

What's a vegetable's favourite bridge?

The cuc-HUMBER bridge!

What does the vegetable miss world wish for?

World PEAS!

What single did the vegetable Ini Kamoze release?

Here come the HOT PEPPER!

What single did the vegetable prince release?

little red COURGETTE!

COME ON DOWN!

on the way to work

herewith is some people i see on my way to work. i walk and it takes about half an hour

Young Goth Girl with pink ruck sack

Russian looking girl with penis nose- why do eastern europeans dress like whigfield?

Plain Girl no. 1- nothing to write home about

Guy who gives me evils- he has a tattoo and everything

Twat who cycles on pavement with his shit bike and white socks- I HATE HIM! who cycles on the pavement other than under 12's? I HATE HIM!

Blonde girl with alien face- although she is quite attractive

Big Issue seller (no thanks mate)

Woman with hypnotically large round arse- it wobbles, oh yes it wobbles

Bloke who looks like a troll- although he carries no club

(Ug) Leigh who works at TK Maxx

Guy who looks like an attractive woman from a distance (long hair)

Girl who looks like a witch

Plain Girl no.2 (and plain girl no.2 's boyfriend)- although i dont see her much anymore, i hope it's not ended in tears.

Fish Face -a singularly ugly woman with head like a pear and face like a monkfish. She is so ugly, and whatever she wears, even on dress-down friday, she always has her big disgusting belly out. Not that i am against a bit of ladyfat, but she is a beast.

Old pink fleece woman- she usually gives me evils as well

Big breasted sisters

Stocky guys numbers one and two

Three men and a haircut (three nobheads, one of whom has a jazzy hairstyle)

Tramps in park- one has diy tattoos on his face- (what kind of job will get looking like that?)

Smackhead woman


who do YOU see on your way to work?

Busy

I'm really busy at the moment. I have to get my tax return done by 30th September after i foolishly registered as self employed for my comics, i've got to get Banal Pig III done by the Birmingham Comic Expo in December, (looking ever more unlikely), a story for a Dead By Dawn horror compilation which is set in the Victorian era so i've got to add a lot of historical detail (by end of september), Ethel Sparrowhawk, plus it's my girlfriends birthday in two weeks so i've got to get her presents. Also, a full length Cat Dad comic is on the back burner.
I dont get paid for any of this stuff, it is a "labour of love" as they say and its a bit on top of me at the moment.

I've really got to get that fucking tax return done.

The photo is one of approximately ten million i took of Basic Instinct off the telly (after i videoed it) for the artwork for the Fun Coconut story from Jolly Bear and Fun Coconut Summer Special in which he imagines various scenes from Basic Instinct. Unfortunately i couldnt quite get a clear enough shot of this bit, where Sharon Stone digs her nails into his back while they are "making love" and he lunges forward and grimaces right into the camera.

More Ethel pics and crisp jokes

Due to popular demand, heres another sketch from "ethel sparrowhawk".



CRISP JOKES

what kind of crisps do mindless thugs like?

Ready ASSAULTED!

what kind of crisps does a snowman with bad feet like?

FREEZE and BUNION!

make one up yourself- i dare you!

It's easy to laugh, it's easy to hate, it takes guts to be gentle and kind

As posted by others recently, here are my things that i like, although i couldnt quite make 100

Reasons to be cheerful

1. Police Camera Action! And other such police fly on the wall documentaries
2. Turkish Delight Chocolate
3. Perfectly drawn cartoon characters like Asterix
4. The sound of a Fender Rhodes piano
5. The first sup of cold lager after a hot, hard days work
6. A stupid pun
7. Victorian era novels, H G Wells, Jerome K Jerome, Arthur Conan Doyle
8. Falling asleep in front of the telly
9. Poking about in rock pools
10. A warm-lipped kiss
11. The look of Carry-On films
12. Finding a great new indie comic
13. A nice steak
14. Football
15. Going to an excellent restaurant
16. A brilliant riff- Led Zepellin, Rolling Stones, even Muse
17. Flutes on Rock Records
18. Having a nice pair of pants and a nice pair of socks on
19. Winning on a fruit machine
20. The beginning of Baba O’ Reilly by The Who
21. Old (well illustrated) children’s books
22. Finding a good record in a charity shop
23. Home made chips
24. Old (Vintage) St. Michael Striped Shirts (from Marks and Spencer)
25. Days off
26. Something for free that you actually want

Ethel Sparrowhawk

The image you see before you is a sneak preview of my forthcoming collaboration with Jemima Von Schindelberg (Click the Imitation of Life link, right) called Ethel Sparrowhawk. Ethel is generally downtrodden and unlucky in life and tries to do something about it. I'm very enthusiatic about the project, which will be a nice departure from my usual low-brow offerings. Expect it early next year...