the daily pig

further to yesterday's post, i've been thinking about newspaper strips, and more specifically how rubbish they are. any city dwellers out there who have to endure a tedious commute to work will no doubt be aware of the Metro newspaper's singularly unfunny strip "nemi" (is it even meant to be funny?) and that other one 'this life'. there's also a couple in the sun, "hagar the horrible" and "george and lynne" which are also quite crap, although george and lynne transcends the crapness of the other three examples mentioned and is in a weird, sexy, terrible league of its own- thus:



we dont have the same culture of funnies pages as they do in america, i wonder if they have better ones...
the e.c. segar popeye strips are amazing, and i know there's stuff like krazy kat that old school people like but i dont really get it. also the perry bible fellowship is really good, but there's no way he does one of them each day.
i aim to discover why these strips are so rubbish. is it the three panel format which is limiting? or the sheer volume of ideas needed for a daily strip? -most probably the latter. when i am finished my current projects, probably in october, i am going do an experiment where i have to do an amusing (or not) comic strip every day for a month, and then we'll see how hard it is. i'll have to do it in my lunch break at work so i'll be limited to about 40 minutes, but it should be interesting.

why dont you try it yourself? and i'll see you next time....

ting and ting

no real news on the comics front- working and that- finishing off the nice banal pig for that gosh darned obsever/jonathan cape thing, and also i'm now looking forward to the birmingham expo in a couple of months, new jolly bear for that.
i've been reading a lot about the state of the comics industry recently, how marvel and dc and that dont make any money apart from from films and toys, and the independents are lucky to break even. it amazes me how anyone makes a living in this industry. with this in mind, i dont know where my ambitions lie- should i look towards publishing my own (and other's) work on a decent scale. what about web comics? any money in that? or should i branch out- what about animation/films/toys- yeah, nice ones with lots of lead paint made by chinese people*

you need money to make money isnt it? i'd really like to make a book with two colours with really nice covers and all the rest.

i got a few comics the other day- "Hey, Wait" by Jason which is quite an old one of his but has some really nice stylistic touches, although my heart wasnt quite as broken as the quotes on the cover promised. i also got Uptight No.2 by Jordan Crane which is decent enough, and i agree with Tom Spurgeon that the format of the comic works really well and there should be more indies that look like this- 24 b&w pages with a nice colour screenprinty cover, and its pretty cheap- £1.40.

anyway, i'll repeat my request for some paid work- i'm cheap and try really hard, and if anyone wants to make cartoons of my work (for free) get in touch....





*funnily enough, someone from hong kong or somewhere sent me an email asking if i want to make a banal pig action (or should that be inaction?) figure- i'm going to see how much it is.

ANTSHREW- SHREWANTS!

Yes here be another in my non-regular series of photographs of dead animals. This is a shrew, being eaten by ants.
I'm currently doing my entry for the observer competition, a deluxe banal pig strip, which i wont win, but like they say, you've got to be in it to not win it!

Caption

So we went to Caption for the first time yesterday. A lot of the small press veterans bang on about it as one of the big events in the calendar, so we were a bit surprised to see a rather poky room with not a lot going on (and not a lot of comics) when we got there, and having to pay a fiver to get in seemed a bit steep. The trouble is that people turn up throughout the day bringing their stuff, so if you got there early, you would be gutted, and not necessarily realise there was more to come, so you go home empty handed because there wouldnt be anything to hang around for. The idea of caption is really good though, you leave your comics and they sell them for you for 10% commision -peanuts compared with the cost of a table at one of the big expos, or even the web and mini comix thing, and of course you only have to give them money when you sell something.

I sold surprisingly well however, i took 3 of each issue of banal pig, 3 ethel sparrowhawks and 3 anthologies, and sold all but the unsellable issue two* and two of the anthologies, which means i made nearly £30 with no effort. So there's no complaints from me, especially as we had a nice day out in oxford to boot, but it did seem for the casual small press fan there simply wasn't enough going on to justify paying £5 to get in, especially if you also had to travel to Oxford in the first place (in comparison, the Web and Mini Comix thing is £4, there was far more going on, and it is really easy to get to as its in London near a tube station).

I dont know what to suggest to improve this, and i think form a creators perspective it's important to have these events and support them, but everyone there seemed to be creators who know each other and were in their cliques, so you dont get the direct contact with the creators like at an expo (which can be a double-edged sword as i have previously mentioned, but at least you'd have someone to talk to if you liked the work). also there's events going on which we didnt see, but i never generally bother with that sort of thing anyway.

But i did well so i cant grumble.


*if i ever start a different comic series, i am not going to have an issue two because it has proved very unpopular, even though it is far better than issue one, and other comic creators have confirmed their issue twos sell badly as well.

banal pig's hot celeb goss no. 1

so we goes shopping today yeah, like we normally do to bedminster asdal, and they're filming one of those "celebrities working at asda" adverts, yeah, and it was ian wright working behind the fish counter, and we got a monkfish tail, and ian wright served us. they didnt film it though, so i'm not going to be on telly. stay tuned for more hot celeb goss!

chek dis right here jb fans!

so here's the latest colouring in project. all of you pig lovers will be familiar with the tale from banal pig 3, but i hope you like the pretty colours. i do. the eagle eyed amongst you will notice i've removed two "fucks" from fun coconuts dialogue to make it a bit more suitable for all ages, and the decaying corpse is obviously in good humour. consider this a teaser for jolly bear and fun coconut summer special 2, which will be ready for the birmingham expo. of course, this was done for the rok comics website, and that $10,000 prize is announced next week i think- good luck me. i'm also cracking on with the observer thingy, but the submission guidelines mean i have to draw full size, and the way i've divided up the page means the panels are tiny. oh well. i've finished my thing for the forthcoming monkeys might puke anthology, another thing ticked off the list, another thing on the bottom.

something for the weekend

here's something i have done for a feller called pigeon dave, and he's organising an exhibition of these cards from drawing people all over the country. i'll post when they're all online.

leafy green jokes

thanks to jvs, here they are:

how did victorian leafy greens get around london?
-hackney CABBAGE!

why was the leafy green ill at ease at the fancy dress party?
-because he looked RADDICHIO-ulous!

whats the leafy tina turner song?
-simply the CRESS!

why did the leafy green titanic sink?
-because it hit an ICEBERG LETTUCE!

let's have it!

E for Ethel Sparrowhawk

David Lloyd, famous artist off V for Vendetta and everything likes Ethel Sparrowhawk, and judges you if you dont have a copy.

Fishface in (1) colour (purple)

All new! Old strips coloured in!

yes friends, another stab at the rok comics thing, another coloured strip. i'm not 100% happy with this, but it's ok- i'm getting a feel for colouring in and how it works. i've not done any jokes for ages have i? i'll think of some next time for yous'all, or if you want to get involved now, why not suggest a pun theme?.

Fingers In Pies

Hullo pals! At the moment i'm working on a few bits. As well as JBFCSS2, of which you will no doubt be aware, i'm doing something for Monkeys Might Puke aka sleazy Dan Lester's anthology about Mickey Rourke, if there was a prize for most esoteric comic, that'd win it. i might do some awards.
Also, Jess Bradley is doing an anthology about animals which i'm doing something for, and not to mention the Rok Comics stuff and there's also a competition to get a comic in the observer which i'm certainly having a crack at (cheers for heads up Oli- that boy's got his finger on the pulse). there's also this victorian horror story thing thats been bubbling away for ages that i've got to get finished.

Loads o' tings, ai.

Old Pro

On the advice of John Freeman, who runs rok comics, this Cat Dad strip is on the Pro section of the site, which means you'll have to pay for it if you want it on your mobile. But you know me friends, i'm not gonna rip you off, so here's part one in glorious banalcolour. oh yes. i'm quite enjoying colouring the old strips in. it gives the strips a new lease of life i think, but takes a bit of time.

Jolly Bear in colour

here's the last one for a while- i've got other stuff to do and have to go back to work on tuesday (boo) also, gareth gets a heads up on top shelf's blog (click link on right, cant be bothered finding link, the hey bartender bit).

here's another

yes, uncle ken in beatiful sepiatone. dont ask me why the second panel is orangey. please feel free to rate and download these things (they're free).

I'm on your mobiles

not my mobile, because mine's shit, but this seems like a good idea so i'm trying it. i think i'll colour in a few old strips and put them on there too. theres also a $10,000 prize for the best new one (incentive).

Post 100, 1 year on.

Yes as previously mentioned, i've racked up 100 posts in exactly 1 year, for what it's worth. As its my birthday, why dont you send me some cash, and i'll send you one or all of my comics. If there is anyone reading this who doesnt own the entire portfolio of Banal Pig Comics, here's a reminder of what's on offer:

Banal Pig 1; Feeder and Wife, Hairy Feller, Retard Dad, Incompetent Shark, Womany Man, and Banal Pig and Friends in "Gutter Stupidity" £4 inc p&p

Banal Pig 2: More Feeder and Wife, Incompetent Shark, plus the introduction of Jolly Bear, Lickle Bastard and Ugly Mind Reader, and Fez Man in "Between a Rock and a Hard Place" £4 inc p&p

Jolly Bear and Fun Coconut Summer Special: JB goes about his business in the slums of Hackney, and we meet his flatmate, Fun Coconut who is obsessed with the film Basic Instinct SOLD OUT

Banal Pig 3; More adventures from the BP Gang as the trilogy comes full circle and the prophecy is realised. With the introduction of Irate Robot, and "The Ballad of Homeless Goose" £4 inc p&p

The Banal Pig Portrait Anthology: featuring portraiture-themed work from the finest UK small pressers: hilarious, but really makes you think. £4 inc p&p

Ethel Sparrowhawk: The story of a seemingly unlucky girl who will try anything to improve her luck, a collaboration with Jemima Von Schindelberg. £4 inc p&p

Also, the excellent work by the man who puts the "ig" in Banal Pig Comics, Gareth Van Brookes.

Again, thanks to everyone whose supported me over this annus mediocris.

Nice One Laters

Yours Truly

Stevo xxx

Jolly Bear drawing

watercoloury drawing as trial for jbfcss2.

Frustrations etc

This is what usually happens when i have a bit of time at work- i dont feel like going back, and start thinking about doing something else. Unfortunately, there's not a lot out there for me at the moment.
I'm frustrated because i feel i have got a lot to give in terms of creativity and intelligence, qualities that i have never used in any full time employment, and i dont really know where to start. i'm very envious of people that enjoy their jobs, especially if they get paid well for doing it, and i cant tick either of those boxes.
i know i should be more pro-active but doing what? realistically, i'm not going to get paid well for doing comics for years if ever, but i could have a go at illustration. i'm a creative problem solver, yeah! and i can spell correctly and construct sentences. i can also play a number of musical instruments to a basic-intermediate standard.
on the downside, i dont really have an entrepreneurial spirit and dont particularly like pushing myself forward.

any careers advice would be duly appreciated, cv available on request.

Post 97- Chatterings

Yes friends it's very nearly the anniversary of this blog, and its also nearly the 100th post. so what have we learned? that i write down things that i am planning to do and then a bit later i either do them or dont bother. sometimes i cause controversy and sometimes i make up puns, and reprint stories that i have written.

by the way, when i lived in london and only used to work 4 days a week (those were the days lol! ha ha!) i started to write some novels. the first one was about a mysterious event which wiped out all but about 100 people, basically your last man on earth fantasy, but with the idea that the few remaining survivors were all bastards, like being on big brother or something. i got to about chapter three and got cold feet. the second one i though had a bit more potential. i stole the premise from an obnoxious african woman who gareth went to a creative writing course with, and the name of her novel was "fourteen intelligent men build a castle". i dont know what her story was actually about or anything and dont care, but mine was an (attempted) victorian h.g wells pastiche about this group of gents who are brought together to a remote scottish isle/loch/ whatever to build a castle for a mysterious genius recluse (you know the type), and certain members of the party start dying, you know, mysterious. anyway, maybe i'm writing this so i dont forget it forever, but if there's anyone who'd like to read either of these books, send me a cheque for £15,000 and i'll send you the manuscript, and we'll split the profits 50:50.

anyway, i was also thinking about making longer comics, and i really want to step it up a notch with banal pig 4. my current vision (sounds a bit pretentious doesnt it?) involves 2 levels of comics- i.e. a main strip and a sub-strip running alongside/under/against it, and i want to continue to develop the banal pig "universe" (againy this sounds a bit poncy, but it is fairly common comic speak i think) and feature more of the peripheral characters and make the general look a bit more dense, or at least vary the layouts a bit more. this means that it wont be ready for birmingham, but i'll have JBFCSS2 and maybe another minicomic, and i've got my fingers in a few other pies.

there's exciting things going on over at Man Man's house too. Gareth's decided that he's gonna take on a few more challenging projects, including a development of the bastard teachers thing from the portrait anthology, and an adaption of his own short story about a young boy who decides to make himself some sex dolls, with varying successes.

there's also a reasonable (unsolicited) review in the new Comics International no 202, of Man Man 1 & 2, which says it's funny and good value for money, and then gives it a lukewarm 6 out of 10.

anyway, i'm off on me holidays now, laters!

First Look! Jolly Bear and Fun Coconut Summer Special 2!!!!!

Yes, hot off the presses, or at least hot of a pen via my hand or something is a little sneaky peek from JBFCSS2. This is part one, where Fun Coconut gets obsessed by the film showgirls, and i'm hoping part two will be a bit different visually, but i'm working on it at the moment so i'll let you know when i know.

Appalling Nonsense!

Hello, Pig Lovers!

Gareth "Man Man"Brookes, raconteur, character actor, alcoholic and vice president of Banal Pig Comics has thrust himself into the 21st century by finally making himself a website, Appalling Nonsense. Have a look, why not?

warmest regards

stevo

Another Sketch

Yes due to overwhelming poplier demand, here's another sketch. Jolly Bear and Fun Coconut Summer Special 2 was started in earnest today, and its good i think, featuring a very ambitious and gruesome poem by gareth. i won £54 on a scratch card on friday, which was nice, but 50-odd quid is not quite as exciting as a grown-up, as it was when i was 16 or something. i bought some pork pies and my grocery shopping for the week, and kept £20.

More Sketchbook pages

i dont know if anyone cares (tell me if you want to see more) but here's a couple more pages from my sketchbook, featuring the roster of unsuccessful characters, as previously mentioned: truculent strawberry, strong baby, gay banana, boy with see through head, ignorant horse, doctor octopus, battle of britain kitten (which i will make a strip out of) dead scrote, hungry dog, sexy ghost, cute dog sadness, and draclier.
also uncle ken with a shopping trolley and some other rubbish.

good luck everybody, "c" you next time

popeye

i bought myself the first Popeye collection by fantagraphics the other day and i thinksk its marvellousk. as it explains in the preface, the animated version that we're all undoubtedly familiar with is a bastardised version that basically plays out the same story again and again (popeye versus bluto over olive oyl) and removes the charm of the original 30's strips. there's no spinach either, he's brutal without the need for leafy greens, tinned or otherwise, and generally goes round punching everyone whenever he feels like it. it's really bizarrely funny and i recommend it heartily. ug ug ug toot toot blerp!.

here's my tribute, popexe, and his nemesis, fat martin, and some other sketchbook stuff. as you can see i just use lined paper in cheapo journals as i think when i'm just freestyling it makes me less precious about committing ideas to paper, and i dont have to worry about the cost of the paper i'm writing on. did i mention i'm as tight as a gnat's chuff?

Small press

i was round my old pal gareth man man brookes' house this weekend and he was showing me some of the small press he'd picked up from gosh! comics. it's good to see theres a wide ranges of styles and some are undeniably arty-farty, which i suppose you either subscribe to or you dont, and they must appeal more to artists than comics buyers. This is fair enough, and there is definitely room for all that stuff, particularly when its high quality, but what did make me raise my eyebrows was the price of some of these things. pricing is very difficult, but it's kind of taken for granted that all the time you've spent creating this stuff is never going to be compensated, so £5 for a few sheets of A4 does seem pretty steep. i try to base my price on the printing cost alone, and even then i cant compete with the big published comics (obviously) but i always try to be good value, and want to make something that i'd buy.
this kind of leads onto another point about the small press scene today, the fact that there is your also-rans, the weak home published stuff, and the fantagraphics/top shelf stuff and there's the middle ground, high quality small press stuff which is too small scale to go into diamond (the major comics distribution catalogue) and as a result will always struggle to be seen by its potential audience. obviously the web has helped this immensely- i cant imagine how difficult it was before to sell more than 10 comics- but i've got it at the back of my mind that there's an untapped potential thing that could unify and promote all the excellent small press creators there is out there.
a uk small press version of diamond sent out to all the shops in the uk who stock small press comics so they could contact the makers diractly, or at least have a previous knowledge of the comics when approached would be a good idea i think, and if it was put together by the makers themselves it would mean no-one else would take a slice of the pie.
good idea, this sort of thing takes time and effort that i havent got after working all the time and actually making comics... any volunteers?

Nice words regarding Ethel

Paul Rainey liked Ethel Sparrowhawk it seems. What did you think? What's that? You've still not bought a copy? No problem, send me four quid, i'll sort you out my friend.

Don't cry. It's all right.

What's going on?

Well, i've gotten in to the swing of doing conventions now, so as you can imagine i was a bit disappointed when there wasnt another one this weekend. I'm trying to find a balance between not doing comics constantly at the expense of everything else and finishing comics in time for the cons without working every single hour in the two weeks before deadline. There's 4 months before birmingham so if i start now with a decent effort i should have a good books worth in time, but if i finish a couple of weeks before i'll have the nagging feeling that i could have done another few pages/comic in that time. I would have liked a bit more time on Ethel Sparrowhawk, but it's always the caase that the cons are the best place to shift a lot of comics quickly, and this was true this time as well. swings and roundabouts.
I'm well bored of my job and would like to just make comics and art full time, so if anyone would like to sponsor me, just send a cheque for £15,000 and that will keep me going for a year. i dont think that's greedy. alternatively, some nice illustration jobs, commissions etc would go down well.
gizza job!

Bristol Expo

Its all over and its been a great weekend i reckon. We all sold well- pictured is our display, Man Man and Bingo Bonanza on the left; Gareth had a new comic, Mediocralypse, which is more in the style of the "bastard teachers" strip in the BP Portrait Anthology, with more funny drawings and little stories about wanking with grandads and that.
My stuffs in the middle, including the new comic Ethel Sparrowhawk which sold well and has had a lot of good words said about it, and it seems the things we wanted to achieve with it have come across. I'm gonna put the first 6 pages on the myspace at some point today, so please check it out if you havent seen it.
On the right is Oliver East's Trains Are... Mint including an exclusive with the first few copies of Trains Are Mint number 3, which i read last night and is as brilliant as the other two in the trilogy, so check them out if you havent seen them already.

Also pictured are Oli East (beardy, red check shirt) and Gareth (Charles Hawtrey) who were sharing the spoils.

I think there are a few reasons why we did much better- we had much more choice of stock this year, 17 different titles to choose from, and from my own point of view it is nice to have something a bit less vulgar than the Banal Pigs (i.e. Ethel Sparrowhawk) which broadens the appeal a bit i think. Not that there's anything wrong with calling your dad a cunt, pissing on old mens heads, and anthropomorphic geese sucking men off for crack is there?
Secondly, we've got a bit more of a reputation now, we've been around for a couple of years, and also as Bristol's my home town i've actually got some mates here now.

I picked up some good stuff by the looks of it, which i may review or mention later, and we drank with the good old Monkeys Might Puke boys, and i would advise you to follow the link and watch the short films, especially "When a man loves a Chicken", which is genius.

See you later

Say a little prayer

you know me pig fans, i'm not political, but i would like to say something regarding my beloved football club:
AND LEEDS ARE FUCKING SHITE! what a disgrace.

i'm very much looking forward to the Bristol Comic Expo, and i'm probably going out for a drink with Jeffrey Brown on Thursday, or at least i'll be standing around in the same pub as him. best ever.

i'm glad that Ethel Sparrowhawk is over and i can crack on with Jolly Bear and Fun Coconut Summer Special Number 2 and All New Banal Pig 4!

here's something you've not seen before, unless you went to the royal college, my picture, and its particulars.

Take Care

Love you

Bye

Ethel Cover

hi pals

it's currently ten to eight on monday morning and today is the day that i've got to get ethel sparrowhawk finished. i've got about 4 pages to finish off and its entirely do-able, the only things against me are that my black ink has run out so i've got to go and get another, and its a real miserable bastard outside. how's the weather where you are pig fans?

as you may have guessed, this is the cover, a nice wraparound job. i think it does the trick as i didnt just want a picture of ethel on the front, and the fact that her and her cat are giving each other evils is a nice introduction to the story. those are my horrible kitchen cabinets by the way.

see you on the other side!

Nearly finished- cheesed off

it's that point now which i have with every comic where the time constraints and desire to get it over with sap the enjoyment out of making them. i just want to get the fucking thing over and done with. dont get me wrong, i'm very excited by it and think it's gonna be very good but it all seems a bit too much like hard work at the moment.

Here's an interesting snippet though. What's this fellow up to, eh?

Yet more Sparrowhawk

Yes here's another for you friends.

More Ethel

Waasup!

Another Ethel pic- 7 pages scanned in and almost print ready- thats 25% official!

First Look! Ethel Sparrowhawk!

Yoo hoo!

Here's the first pic from Ethel Sparrowhawk which i feel ok about having worked on it all day. It's probably just over half finished now, but i had a good day today and am confident it will be done in the next few weeks. The image itself doesnt really mean much on its own, but there's a lot of flashbacks and stuff which doesnt make much sense out of context. Hopefully i'll have a few more panels up this week.

I wish there was a selection where you could make the o's of "look!" into eyeballs like on carpet warhouse posters.

in other news, Tales from the Flat have put the rather unkind thing i wrote about them (which i wont repeat) up as a quote on their website, as a kind of ironic thing i guess. i'm very much regretting doing that now, as i dont want to create vendettas in the comic world, but hey ho as someone once said, what's done is done. it's like the rivalry is being whipped up by the press like blur vs oasis to get publicity, apart from the fact that it's not, and no-one outside a group of about 4 people really gives a shit.

Well the say hello thing didnt really work did it? i knew it wouldnt.

According to my scientific analysis the comic Ethel Sparrowhawk is 43% finished. Unfortunately, all the pages that are print ready so far are not really suitable as previews so you, the eager consumer will have to wait a few days. I'm off work now til next tuesday, and it's my birthday on monday so get your presents in the post before 12 today if you havent already. Anyway this holiday is all about binge eating drinking and drawing. Binge!

The pic is Dignity and Impudence that i was on about before, and i'll post some pictures of my new character, Popexe, and his arch-nemesis Fat Martin someday soon.

p.s. i've got broadband now, it's all gravy!

Hello Bloggery!

There was a thing in the paper (guardian) today about blogging, and the fact that there’s no real point to it, and the majority of people’s blogs dry up after about 3 months. Although there is no particular structure to this‘un, that is, it’s not a diary or review site or webcomic specifically, it does have a function for me. Obviously, it’s a kind of advert for the comics, and once I write something down it kind of commits me to doing it (although looking back at a few things I have changed my mind on minicomics and that).

There was also a thing about a blogger’s code of conduct, where you shouldn’t slander people, or say things you wouldn’t say to someone’s face but that missed the point a bit doesn’t it? Us computer friends don’t say anything to people’s faces, socially inept as we obviously are, and writing down so it gets read by three people is somehow harder than just thinking it or something. Finally, on this somewhat ponderous and rambling post, it says comment posters shouldn’t be anonymous which is fair do’s, so if you’re reading this and I don’t know who you are, say hello! and tell us all where you come from, it’ll be exciting, plus it’ll give me a better idea who’s reading this so I don’t offend you, you set of bastards.

Also, I’m thinking of doing a little project based on the excellent painting “Dignity and Impudence” by Edwin Landseer (google it) where I expand upon the lives of the charming odd couple of dogs depicted, one’s dignified, one’s impudent- with hilarious consequences! Probably!

Don’t forget, say hello!

Sour Grapes- Epilogue

It seems that the "sour grapes" post has received quite a lot of attention, probably the most commented upon post i've had. Anyway, i want to draw a line under it now; while i stand by the things said, and i know that other people agree with them, perhaps to single out a certain comic was a little unfair. After all, there is a lot of stuff out there that doesnt appeal to me (choosing words carefully) and i suppose in a way its healthy that there is different stuff out there. My frustration comes most of all in that there doesnt seem an easy way to get your products seen and give the punter an informed choice. Who is this punter anyway? it seems most sales i make at cons are to other makers, who knows. anyway, hopefully the catalogue idea will work, and i'm getting a lot of traffic through the website, although i still need to stick the anthology on there and get paypal sorted, which im gonna do when i get broadband, because dear friends i have coped with frustratingly slow dialup for a long time, and i will finally be entering the 20th century next week.

ethel sparrowhawk is rumbling on, and i should have some finished pages to preview soon (i hope so, its got to be finished in three weeks).

Reviewed at Last!

Have a look at Size Matters: http://shawnhoke.blogspot.com/ for a review of Banal Pig 3. Thanks for the heads up Oli.

Mo' Money Mo' Problems

Today i am taking stock of my comics business as the financial year is all but wrapped up. i've made a considerable loss and am wondering where my profit margins can be increased. buying a laser printer and doing the job myself is one option, not doing the big conventions, and putting up the price of the comic are all options, none of them easy. hopefully i'll get some tax back again, but i've got to start being a bit more canny, which is not the side of the business i'm interested in. any ideas?

today's picture is entitled "wifebeater".

good gravy!

after the somewhat vitriolic diatribe of the last post, i thought id bring in the love with a few nice drawings. "england cunt" is copied from a picture out of the paper from last summer during the world cup where some scumbag had decorated his house with england flags, and theres the rough (and so far only) version of an uncle ken strip where he has a go on his nephew's minibike, and, as you'd expect from uncle ken, hilarious chaos ensues. ho ho ho! hopefully, some good karmic gravy has been returned to the humble author of this blog.

best wishes,

stevo xxx

Sour Grapes

As you, dear reader, may or may not be aware, i put myself forward for the eagle awards in the category of best british comic black and white or something. anyway, i'm not too bothered that i didnt get shortlisted, as it was more to be there or thereabouts as part of my awareness campaign. however, i am extremely chagrined at the fact that tales from the flat got shortlisted- it was actually the fact that they were in there that made me get involved- i thought if that bag of spanners is on there, my quality publication surely deserves a crack. i dont really understand the small press scene. there's some many pairs of buttocks masquerading as comics out there, which i think even to the untrained eye are self indulgent tripe, tales from the flat very much included, which seem to do well and be popular. horses for courses i suppose, for every arsehole who's a dickhead, theres a shit comic for you, for every conoisseur of excellence, theres a banal pig.
there. i've published my thoughts. let my sour motherfucking grapes dissipate into the etherel world wide web...

p.s. vote for the eagle awards, my recommendation would be vented spleen, anything but tales from the fucking flat please.

cameras knackered

the attached photos are taken with our camera. as you can see, its chinned. stil it wasnt bad- julie found it on the bus about 4 years ago in south kensington and weve had a lot of use out of it. ever since its been broken i cant go five paces without spotting a so-called kodak moment, like on the way to work where someones painted CLAMPING CLAMPING all over everywhere, along with baby writing saying "You will be clamping", and there were some ducks and stuff. cops with cameras on tonight. gravy!

Selling,Watchmen,Drawing

A few things i feel inclined to document today. Gareth (Man Man) Van Brookes tells me that Gosh! in London have sold out of Banal Pig 3's and are happy to take some more.This is good news as last time i sold all but one of BP's 1 & 2 which meant they wouldnt take any more. They're also taking some anthologies so if you're a smoke dweller pop down and check it out.

In other news, i read Alan Moore's Watchmen this week, which i found to be excellent. As i have mentioned in previous posts i am naive to the conventional comics world (dc and marvel et al) and before i actually started making comics i had read very little and this being oft-mentioned i thought i should read it. It was a christmas present from my sister which arrived on Monday (yeah, cheers sis). What i like about Moore's writing (and i think the same is true of HG Wells) is that he assumes the reader is intelligent and there is no flab explaining to idiots whats going on. very anti-hollywood, no easy answers, everything isnt black and white. the drawings are great as well.

I'm also cracking on with Ethel Sparrowhawk, and have started inking some bits (although its not all pencilled yet), so hopefully there will be a few glimpses of finished pages soon. i think im alright for time, ive got about 6 weeks, 10 days of which i'm off work for, but i'm doing this victorian horror story, plus Jolly Bear and Fun Coconut Summer Special number 2 is roughed out, and all being well will also be ready for Brizzle, as we moronic west country folk call it. This features another excellent verse by Gareth and is as dark as a piece of ebony in sunglasses drinking a pint of guiness at midnight.

Take care, love you, bye x

Round Winston Churchill's House/ ROAD JOKES!

Another reject from the anthology- it didnt seem to have that many funny things at the time so i put "What does fishface do?" in instead.


Round Winston Churchill’s House

So I’m here with Winston and his friend Phil in the drawing room (his dog’s in the corner as well). This one of many rooms in this large country retreat- I’m staying here tonight, and I feel very eager to impress.

Winston and Phil are smoking cigars, and he offers me one. When I politely decline he seems terribly offended, and at once his attention turns from me and I am excluded from the conversation. Five minutes pass and I continue to be ignored so I decide to ask for a cigar after all. Winston’s demeanour changes at once. His attention reverts back to me and he watches with delight and expectation as I light the cigar. I disgrace myself as the pungent smoke makes me gip and cough, and I am unable to prevent a considerable string of saliva lowering itself from my mouth onto my tie.

The next morning, Winston and Phil have already breakfasted when I get downstairs, and rather than cause a fuss, I go hungry.




Road Jokes

What does a road say when he wishes to thank you?

TAR!

Whats a Road's favourite Grandmaster Flash song?

WHITE LINES!

What does a baby road do before it can walk?

KERB CRAWLING!

Go on have a go!

Website update as well

Wassap my bruvvas?

i forgot to say that my website has been updated (clicka da linka----->, still cant do links). can someone send me the html for putting links in? ive just made it so it links back here, to my myspace and comicspace and other rubbish and stuff from bp3 is finally on there too. its took ages because my brother facilitates it (its basically his website) and hes bin roaming for a while. by the way (smug stand up comic voice) comicspace- whats that about? for some reason i cant upload any images other than the little profile pic. probly cos ive got a mac, thats usually the problem.

also its reassuring to know that my profile views have gone up a bit- 104 or summet which means 101 people have looked once and tutted, and you my hardcore friends remain or something. due to this popular demand, im gonna start posting a lot more. probably a load of bullshit, but 104 profile viewers cant be wrong.

more also i cheekily put the swear word cunt as one of the labels for an earlier post, and strangely enough it rates quite highly when you google banal pig. (probably not when you google cunt i would think though).

i feel quite positive after the weekends miniature successes.

Whathappenedatthewebandminicomixthingstevo?

well, i'll tell you what happened. it was quite a good day, and as the punters there are our specific target market we did probably as well in one day as we usually do over the weekend at the big cons. the new anthology went down quite well and there were quite a few of the contributors there to pick up their issues. i didnt actually buy anything but there was some decent stuff there- The Sound of Drowning, Dan Locke's Green comics, Monkeys Might Puke, Beaver and Steve spring to mind - there was plenty of shite there too. Plenty of fucking awful shite. Gareth managed to get Man Man 3 out too, and we were also selling good old Oli Easts Trains Are Mint which aslo went down well.
it does make me think that there should be more cons like this, as it would actually mean we started to make money at these fairs (i dont know anyone who does), although the entry fee £4 was probably a bit steep, most of this went towards the anthology/catalogue thing which was like a phone book and had colour printing but was on sale for 50p. i didnt buy this either because although i sent a submission, which i posted here first under the title "New Exclusive Banal Pig Mothercrushers!" they didnt use it for whatever reason. fuck em.

the image is the cover pic from, yes you guessed it, the portrait anthology, and the art lovers amongst you will recognise it as a pastiche of Durer's Self Portrait with Leather Gloves.

Am I still on about that fucking anthology? You bet your ass!

sup g men and home girls?

yes, the anthology is at the printers. its banal pig comics' 9th publication. not bad eh? anyway if you're reading this its more likely than not that you contributed to it and are struggling to keep the drool in your mouth thinking about it, as it so mouthwatering to simply imagine. 40 pages, colour cover (thats right!, glossy too dont you know). we'll see if it actually sells soon enough. hope so, although its not as comicy as some of its rivals on the open market. classy, cerebral you know.
the banal pig is all about value for money, but i dont know exactly what it'll cost until our man at the printers tells me tomorrow.

moving on good old ethel sparrowhawk is also underway, and what about this pig lovers, jolly bear and fun coconut summer special ...number two! wherein fun coconut finds a new film that he likes, and jolly bear goes missing, oh crumbs!

what about that for a teaser? what about this for some rhetoric?

Quiet

Hello pals! i've been quite quiet recently isnt it? To say i was too busy with the anthology would be a half-truth- i'm not really working that hard on it or anything. lazy. it will be ready for the web and mini comix thing though- i'm currently debating whether to make it A5 or not- with A5 a colour cover is viable, but some of the images might be a bit small. any thoughts would be appreciated.
i'm also working on a few freebies for web &.

glad tidings to you and yours xxx

Antholomology

You may remember some of my stories, "round lionel richies house" and "round jean claude van dammes house". well, i've decided to illustrate them and use them as my entry for the portrait anthology, plus two new ones, with winston churchill and rod stewart. i decided not to use this one because i cant think of a decent picture to illustrate it, but here it is, for your reading pleasure (or whatever).

Round Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s House (Barbecue)

I’ve met him a few times before and we got on ok, but I’m only here because my mate goes out with his sister. He doesn’t seem to have that much meat in relation to the number of people that are here, and even though I didn’t bring any, I have a burger. I feel a bit guilty, but we did bring 24 bottles of lager.

He’s hired some of those padded Sumo suits for entertainment, but I don’t want a go- I don’t like that sort of thing. I am coerced into it however, thoroughly beaten over three rounds and I return to my seat with less dignity than I had before. To my horror I discover that my glasses, which I had placed carefully on the picnic table to avoid damaging them, are gone. I see very poorly without glasses and had to cause a commotion to get people to help me find them. A few minutes of searching turns them up trampled into the mud by the conservatory, scratched and crushed. I am obviously chagrined by this, not least because my special efforts to protect my glasses have been undone by something, or someone, unknown.

I rinse them off, but the damage is total and comprehensive. Sir Arthur comes up to me and admits he knocked them off the table, but he doesn’t seem that bothered. He says it was an accident. I tell him I don’t think that that is much of an apology and I call a taxi (I cant walk home).

I reject the taxi driver's attempt at light conversation, and try to console myself with the knowledge that I’ve got a spare pair at home (the'yre old and look a bit stupid though).

Exclusive! New Banal Pig, Mothercrushers!

This is a new strip that i've done for the web and mini comix thing anthology, the theme is "important stuff".

we put our new washing machine in today, and went out on its first wash. when we got back it had moved 6 inches, ripped the lino and scraped the wall. dagnabbit!

reasons to be cheerful pt 2

this is further to my previous post which i havent re-read so i might put the same thing twice, not bothered. if i cant remember it i doubt you will.

Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes
Hot water bottles
Coconat chocolate bars by Ulker (only available in turkish shops in london as far as i know)
crispy bacon
Queen
unsolicited praise
rowdy blues music
puns
art that i couldnt do
snow
the smell of a pub as you walk past
having lots of emails that arent forwards from my uncle jim
the weekend
people that arent actually arsewipes
having a nice pudding to look forward to
football

Calling all Persians

Amateur Comics Guild

It seems i have become a member of the Amateur Comics Guild, 1 of 4 currently. Have a look why dont you, its in the links right------> and maybe join up. it seems like a worthy cause.

Drawings

i thought i might as well put up some stuff out of my old sketchbooks from back when i was a proper artist. this ones a bloke doing a painting.

Fart Jokes

Whats the Fart Skyscraper in New York?

TRUMP Tower!

What qualities does a fart ninja posess?

They are SILENT BUT DEADLY!

What do Fart police use to restrain criminals?

HandGUFFS!

Promotions

I'm on a bit of a drive to raise the profile of the Banal Pig brand (and of course to sell a few more comics), and my own profile in comic terms. i often find that when people see the comics they like them, but getting people to take the first step and actually pick them up and look is a problem. this is most evident at comic shows, and it is a bizarre psychological thing that goes on, where the creator of the thing is sat there eagerly anticipating a sale, usually desperation in the eyes, and the buyer (usually at least partly nerdy) does not want to hurt the creators feelings, so instead of reading and saying "no thanks", they stay away altogether- this can also lead to the "pity buy"- where you dont like the comic, but a mixture of pity and some kind of loyalty to the uk small press scene makes you buy the cheapest thing, only to read half of it with no enjoyment and recycle it when you get home.
i wonder how many pity buys i've had? please email me if you've bought one of my comics and then binned it.
anyway the point is that if people know what they're getting (i.e. quality laffs) they have no problem approaching the stall in a relaxed manner. in any other country to have all these creators in one place would be quite exciting.

Conclusion

if you are reading this blog and you like my work, please email me or approach me at the comic expos. i dont mind if you dont buy anything, NO OBLIGATION, NO EYE CONTACT, but if you do want a comic or if you're influential, remember:

IT'S NOT SHIT!*




*my new slogan, either that or "HISTORY'S FINEST RECORDED SMALL PRESS COMICS"

Silent Movies

Last night me and the good lady went to Bristol's Colston Hall to see some classic silent movies with live musical accompaniment, you know the Paul Merton thing on the telly. It was excellent- there was a Harold Lloyd one, one where Laurel has to pretend to be Hardy's wife to impress his rich uncle, and the climax was Steamboat Bill Jnr, with Buster Keaton. its the famous one where the side of the house falls on him and he's in the window frame. Amazing stuff, still very funny and the special effects in steamboat bill are still better than the consistently ropey CGI we're treated to nowadays. its nice to see that sort of thing, very dfferent from your usual entertainment.

on the comic side of things, my next freebie/cheapo comic is going to be called "Lost Banal Pig" or something like that- the stuff i've done for other anthologies that hasnt been in the Banal Pig Comics proper, as well as profiles of the dodgy characters that have never made the comic, like ignorant horse and doctor octopus that i have briefly mentioned before.

Dont Fear the Reaper

i listened to "Dont Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult on my ipod the other day and realised that the song is about a guy trying to talk his girlfriend into commiting suicide. i thought it was just promoting ambivalence towards death (which is healthy i'd say) but i dont like it anymore. my other thought on death is that death itself isnt scary- but things that are dead are. Put that in your quote book, Penguin.

on and on and on and tillotson

things are going on, three thingies on the go. 1, the most ambitious and time consuming, the aforementioned ethel sparrowhawk is illustrated above, at least the thumbnail version thereof. i have really no ide how long this will take- hopefully it will be ready for the web and mini comics thing (which we have a table at) but depending on how much texture and fine detail i decree to put in it may run on, seeing as i have 2 months to complete it might be a tall order.

project 2 is the banal pig portrait anthology, which has some excellent people on board and i am very much looking forward to the results if and when i get them. the idea is it will stand out as it is not just comics (not even comics from the submissions thus far) and has proper artists and writers and that.

number 3 is the joke book- "banal pig's pun hundred and pun puns" which as regular readers will know has been in progress for quite some time, but if anyone has any ORIGINAL puns not related to the themes i have set so far i will give them all due consideration. i'm gonna do some nice illustrations too.

on and on, and yet i have done shit all this weekend as i have had a mystery illness which has been most irritating. i'm more or less better now though thanks for your concern.

Driven home for Christmas

Andy Warhol said "Sex is nostalgia for Sex". I dont know about that, but Christmas is definitely nostalgia for Christmas. Obviously there's the "Santa really exists, arent toys brilliant" childhood nostalgia, but the thing which struck me when we went back to my parents was the nostalgia for being in the family home. I get this every year i'm not at home for Christmas and i get the feeling of missing out on something warm and friendly, but having been there it's always distinctly underwhelming. Not that i had a shit time, my mum and dad are always more than accomodating and generous, but seeing the people from school and my home town makes me thankful i got out of that shithole. my oldest friend and fellow evacuee was presented with his old school chums on xmas eve, and when he explained he works as a volunteer for amnesty international, was challenged and badgered about asylum seekers and other ignorant racist cliches. Whats my point? i always go off the boil a bit...

home is where the heart is?
racists oot?
buy banal pig comic number three?
i dont know ...any ideas?

Happy New Ye-arr!

Handsome Devil

I've decided to put an actual picture of myself as my profile pic.

Christmas

its the thing on everyones lips, thats right. i finished my shopping today, which is a world record because i usually finish some time after xmas. anyway, i've not really got a lot to say except merry christmas, winterval, yuletide etc. and thanks to everyone who's chipped in with comments and jokes and ting.

Lets have some jokes:

NOSE JOKES

Why are noses not that good at golf?

Because they always get a BOGEY!

What do do if the Nose asks you to join his strike?

PICKET!

What do tramp noses sell?

The Big TISSUE!

Why did the nose's mother think he might have a future as an athlete?

Because he was always RUNNING!

I demand more!

Tramps and Christmas

There was a tramp came in to my work the other day. i let him in through the locked door as its difficult to see whos there and most people when presented with a locked door have a mental embolism anyway. So this tramp comes in and i thought "oh shit" you know like you do and i listened to his little speech about how hes not a tramp he just needs some money to get to hospital. He then showed me this large gash on his arm which was yellow, softly scabbed and oozing, i agreed that it was in need of treatment and he said "theres more all over my body and started to lift his shirt up. I said "i beliive you pal"- id seen enough quite frankly. He then asked me what time it was- i said three o' clock. His reply was "in the daytime?" it was light outside, and the shops were open and yet he repeated in his irish tramp voice "tree o clock in de daytime?". i made him a coffee on the basis that he fucked off, but before he went his did an intense shiver that can only be described as blood-curdling.

i also eat a 20oz rump steak the other night; and the alarming part wasn't the size of the steak (it was about the size of A4 paper) but how easily it went down- i finished with no ill effects.

this is a picture of B&Q in leyton.

TRAMP JOKES

Whats a tramps favourite Richard Pryor film?

SPECIAL BREWsters Millions!

Whats a tramps favourite Bing Crosby song?

WHITE LIGHTNING Christmas!

c'mon!

BIRMINGHAM etc

So it's all over. Always the anti-climax these cons. On balance it was worth it but these things are never as profitable as you hope they might be. On the plus side, i got to meet my internet friends in real life (JVS, Mick's Secret Identity, Trains are Mint and Trains are mint's missus) and had a general good crack with all my bristol homies. The quality of the small press was a bit weak, and this may be to do with the somewhat prohibitive cost of having a stall (£70), but i enjoyed the new Monkeys Might Puke by Dan Lester and Paul Rainey's There's no time like the present, also the Midlands Comics Collective anthology was very good, excepting one or two ropey ones- "Wolf Force" or whatever it was called- im thinking of you. Hopefully the Web and mini comix thing in Mile End in March will have a bit more breadth of small press talent- i have to book a table for that.

Moving on, the 36-hour Pun Marathon in Birmingham has cemented the idea of the Banal Pig Jokebook, provisionally titled "Pun Pundred and Pun Puns" so keep those jokes flying in and those who make it into the book will receive a credit and a free jokebook woooooooo! also i might ask for illustrations for the jokes too, we'll see

We were rocking the Fish and Chocolate jokes the other night-

What happened when the chocolate reject the coconut?

There was a Mutiny on the BOUNTY!

What fish singer sang "PRAWN in the USA?"

Bruce LANGOUSTINE!

What did the fish Mama Cass sing?

BREAM a little BREAM of me!

Bonus Joke

Why did the Fig get arrested?

Because he was accused of DATE RAPE!


ppppppp!

The BANAL PIG TRILOGY and crap characters

He's back from the printers and looking good. I think that this issue nicely wraps up a few of the themes that have run through the other banal pigs and there's a few back references which make reading all three more enjoyable i reckon. This is a bit of a full stop, or if not a full stop then a semi colon you know ; as i plan to do a couple of different things, namely Ethel Sparrowhawk and a full length Cat Dad comic, plus the BP Portrait anthology before returning to Banal Pig 4. And BP4 will probably be in a different format. i dont know yet- its quite far down the line and will probably be informed by what i do in the meantime. i'd like to have a bit of colour in there, but at the scale i'm printing now, i couldnt make it cheap enough. A few new characters* hopefully.

are you listening Top Shelf/ Fantagraphics? will you pay?

Birmingham this weekend. Woo hoo!

*i've got a few characters that i've never found a decent story for-

Strong Baby
Truculent Strawberry- a stella drinking thug with a strawberry for a head
Dead Scrote- a zombie dole scrounger
Ignorant Horse
Gay Banana
Sexy Ghost- an attractive lady ghost with a strong sexual appetite that cannot be satisfied because she has no physical manifestation

what do you think? do any of these characters spark an interest? like to see more? think you can write a story for them? go on then, but i hold the copyrights.

oh yes, the BANAL PIG JOKEBOOK will also be coming soon, so some of YOUR better jokes could be in there. what about that? sounds good eh? Participation?

Unstructured post.

Ethel Sparrowhawk

I've set up a myspace for ethel sparrrowhawk, my next venture into funny books written by Jemima Von Schindelberg (Imitation of Life, right) . www.myspace.com/ethelsparrowhawk

meanwhile, i've checked the proof and i should get bp3 back today or tomorrow. huzzah!

i wish i could do hotlinks and all that, but i cant.

FFFFFIIIIINNNNNIIIISSSSHHHHEEEEDDDDD!!!!!!

I've Fucking FINISHED Banal Pig 3! i took it into the printers this morning, and all being well, it will be ready and beautiful midweek next week in good time for the Birmingham Comic Expo. I've had a few early mornings and late nights this week to get the fucking thing done but as it stands i think i've done okay. at the time of writing i'm getting a little bit pissed and i'm gonna well enjoy my lie in tomorrow (even though i've got to work). finished! i hope there's not some fuck up. anyway i see the proof on monday and i'll let you know how it's getting on. i can also now look forward to birmingham without a gnawing sense of desperation.

POTATO JOKES

What potato leads rats off cliffs?

The MARIS PIPER of Hamlyn!

What do you call a fried grated potato who is high on drugs?

A HASHISH BROWN!

Whats a potatos favourite 70's sitcom/drama based in Vietnam?

M*A*S*H!

Theres probably more... Do me proud blog lovers!