Exclusive! New Banal Pig, Mothercrushers!

This is a new strip that i've done for the web and mini comix thing anthology, the theme is "important stuff".

we put our new washing machine in today, and went out on its first wash. when we got back it had moved 6 inches, ripped the lino and scraped the wall. dagnabbit!

reasons to be cheerful pt 2

this is further to my previous post which i havent re-read so i might put the same thing twice, not bothered. if i cant remember it i doubt you will.

Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes
Hot water bottles
Coconat chocolate bars by Ulker (only available in turkish shops in london as far as i know)
crispy bacon
Queen
unsolicited praise
rowdy blues music
puns
art that i couldnt do
snow
the smell of a pub as you walk past
having lots of emails that arent forwards from my uncle jim
the weekend
people that arent actually arsewipes
having a nice pudding to look forward to
football

Calling all Persians

Amateur Comics Guild

It seems i have become a member of the Amateur Comics Guild, 1 of 4 currently. Have a look why dont you, its in the links right------> and maybe join up. it seems like a worthy cause.

Drawings

i thought i might as well put up some stuff out of my old sketchbooks from back when i was a proper artist. this ones a bloke doing a painting.

Fart Jokes

Whats the Fart Skyscraper in New York?

TRUMP Tower!

What qualities does a fart ninja posess?

They are SILENT BUT DEADLY!

What do Fart police use to restrain criminals?

HandGUFFS!

Promotions

I'm on a bit of a drive to raise the profile of the Banal Pig brand (and of course to sell a few more comics), and my own profile in comic terms. i often find that when people see the comics they like them, but getting people to take the first step and actually pick them up and look is a problem. this is most evident at comic shows, and it is a bizarre psychological thing that goes on, where the creator of the thing is sat there eagerly anticipating a sale, usually desperation in the eyes, and the buyer (usually at least partly nerdy) does not want to hurt the creators feelings, so instead of reading and saying "no thanks", they stay away altogether- this can also lead to the "pity buy"- where you dont like the comic, but a mixture of pity and some kind of loyalty to the uk small press scene makes you buy the cheapest thing, only to read half of it with no enjoyment and recycle it when you get home.
i wonder how many pity buys i've had? please email me if you've bought one of my comics and then binned it.
anyway the point is that if people know what they're getting (i.e. quality laffs) they have no problem approaching the stall in a relaxed manner. in any other country to have all these creators in one place would be quite exciting.

Conclusion

if you are reading this blog and you like my work, please email me or approach me at the comic expos. i dont mind if you dont buy anything, NO OBLIGATION, NO EYE CONTACT, but if you do want a comic or if you're influential, remember:

IT'S NOT SHIT!*




*my new slogan, either that or "HISTORY'S FINEST RECORDED SMALL PRESS COMICS"

Silent Movies

Last night me and the good lady went to Bristol's Colston Hall to see some classic silent movies with live musical accompaniment, you know the Paul Merton thing on the telly. It was excellent- there was a Harold Lloyd one, one where Laurel has to pretend to be Hardy's wife to impress his rich uncle, and the climax was Steamboat Bill Jnr, with Buster Keaton. its the famous one where the side of the house falls on him and he's in the window frame. Amazing stuff, still very funny and the special effects in steamboat bill are still better than the consistently ropey CGI we're treated to nowadays. its nice to see that sort of thing, very dfferent from your usual entertainment.

on the comic side of things, my next freebie/cheapo comic is going to be called "Lost Banal Pig" or something like that- the stuff i've done for other anthologies that hasnt been in the Banal Pig Comics proper, as well as profiles of the dodgy characters that have never made the comic, like ignorant horse and doctor octopus that i have briefly mentioned before.

Dont Fear the Reaper

i listened to "Dont Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult on my ipod the other day and realised that the song is about a guy trying to talk his girlfriend into commiting suicide. i thought it was just promoting ambivalence towards death (which is healthy i'd say) but i dont like it anymore. my other thought on death is that death itself isnt scary- but things that are dead are. Put that in your quote book, Penguin.

on and on and on and tillotson

things are going on, three thingies on the go. 1, the most ambitious and time consuming, the aforementioned ethel sparrowhawk is illustrated above, at least the thumbnail version thereof. i have really no ide how long this will take- hopefully it will be ready for the web and mini comics thing (which we have a table at) but depending on how much texture and fine detail i decree to put in it may run on, seeing as i have 2 months to complete it might be a tall order.

project 2 is the banal pig portrait anthology, which has some excellent people on board and i am very much looking forward to the results if and when i get them. the idea is it will stand out as it is not just comics (not even comics from the submissions thus far) and has proper artists and writers and that.

number 3 is the joke book- "banal pig's pun hundred and pun puns" which as regular readers will know has been in progress for quite some time, but if anyone has any ORIGINAL puns not related to the themes i have set so far i will give them all due consideration. i'm gonna do some nice illustrations too.

on and on, and yet i have done shit all this weekend as i have had a mystery illness which has been most irritating. i'm more or less better now though thanks for your concern.

Driven home for Christmas

Andy Warhol said "Sex is nostalgia for Sex". I dont know about that, but Christmas is definitely nostalgia for Christmas. Obviously there's the "Santa really exists, arent toys brilliant" childhood nostalgia, but the thing which struck me when we went back to my parents was the nostalgia for being in the family home. I get this every year i'm not at home for Christmas and i get the feeling of missing out on something warm and friendly, but having been there it's always distinctly underwhelming. Not that i had a shit time, my mum and dad are always more than accomodating and generous, but seeing the people from school and my home town makes me thankful i got out of that shithole. my oldest friend and fellow evacuee was presented with his old school chums on xmas eve, and when he explained he works as a volunteer for amnesty international, was challenged and badgered about asylum seekers and other ignorant racist cliches. Whats my point? i always go off the boil a bit...

home is where the heart is?
racists oot?
buy banal pig comic number three?
i dont know ...any ideas?

Happy New Ye-arr!

Handsome Devil

I've decided to put an actual picture of myself as my profile pic.

Christmas

its the thing on everyones lips, thats right. i finished my shopping today, which is a world record because i usually finish some time after xmas. anyway, i've not really got a lot to say except merry christmas, winterval, yuletide etc. and thanks to everyone who's chipped in with comments and jokes and ting.

Lets have some jokes:

NOSE JOKES

Why are noses not that good at golf?

Because they always get a BOGEY!

What do do if the Nose asks you to join his strike?

PICKET!

What do tramp noses sell?

The Big TISSUE!

Why did the nose's mother think he might have a future as an athlete?

Because he was always RUNNING!

I demand more!

Tramps and Christmas

There was a tramp came in to my work the other day. i let him in through the locked door as its difficult to see whos there and most people when presented with a locked door have a mental embolism anyway. So this tramp comes in and i thought "oh shit" you know like you do and i listened to his little speech about how hes not a tramp he just needs some money to get to hospital. He then showed me this large gash on his arm which was yellow, softly scabbed and oozing, i agreed that it was in need of treatment and he said "theres more all over my body and started to lift his shirt up. I said "i beliive you pal"- id seen enough quite frankly. He then asked me what time it was- i said three o' clock. His reply was "in the daytime?" it was light outside, and the shops were open and yet he repeated in his irish tramp voice "tree o clock in de daytime?". i made him a coffee on the basis that he fucked off, but before he went his did an intense shiver that can only be described as blood-curdling.

i also eat a 20oz rump steak the other night; and the alarming part wasn't the size of the steak (it was about the size of A4 paper) but how easily it went down- i finished with no ill effects.

this is a picture of B&Q in leyton.

TRAMP JOKES

Whats a tramps favourite Richard Pryor film?

SPECIAL BREWsters Millions!

Whats a tramps favourite Bing Crosby song?

WHITE LIGHTNING Christmas!

c'mon!

BIRMINGHAM etc

So it's all over. Always the anti-climax these cons. On balance it was worth it but these things are never as profitable as you hope they might be. On the plus side, i got to meet my internet friends in real life (JVS, Mick's Secret Identity, Trains are Mint and Trains are mint's missus) and had a general good crack with all my bristol homies. The quality of the small press was a bit weak, and this may be to do with the somewhat prohibitive cost of having a stall (£70), but i enjoyed the new Monkeys Might Puke by Dan Lester and Paul Rainey's There's no time like the present, also the Midlands Comics Collective anthology was very good, excepting one or two ropey ones- "Wolf Force" or whatever it was called- im thinking of you. Hopefully the Web and mini comix thing in Mile End in March will have a bit more breadth of small press talent- i have to book a table for that.

Moving on, the 36-hour Pun Marathon in Birmingham has cemented the idea of the Banal Pig Jokebook, provisionally titled "Pun Pundred and Pun Puns" so keep those jokes flying in and those who make it into the book will receive a credit and a free jokebook woooooooo! also i might ask for illustrations for the jokes too, we'll see

We were rocking the Fish and Chocolate jokes the other night-

What happened when the chocolate reject the coconut?

There was a Mutiny on the BOUNTY!

What fish singer sang "PRAWN in the USA?"

Bruce LANGOUSTINE!

What did the fish Mama Cass sing?

BREAM a little BREAM of me!

Bonus Joke

Why did the Fig get arrested?

Because he was accused of DATE RAPE!


ppppppp!

The BANAL PIG TRILOGY and crap characters

He's back from the printers and looking good. I think that this issue nicely wraps up a few of the themes that have run through the other banal pigs and there's a few back references which make reading all three more enjoyable i reckon. This is a bit of a full stop, or if not a full stop then a semi colon you know ; as i plan to do a couple of different things, namely Ethel Sparrowhawk and a full length Cat Dad comic, plus the BP Portrait anthology before returning to Banal Pig 4. And BP4 will probably be in a different format. i dont know yet- its quite far down the line and will probably be informed by what i do in the meantime. i'd like to have a bit of colour in there, but at the scale i'm printing now, i couldnt make it cheap enough. A few new characters* hopefully.

are you listening Top Shelf/ Fantagraphics? will you pay?

Birmingham this weekend. Woo hoo!

*i've got a few characters that i've never found a decent story for-

Strong Baby
Truculent Strawberry- a stella drinking thug with a strawberry for a head
Dead Scrote- a zombie dole scrounger
Ignorant Horse
Gay Banana
Sexy Ghost- an attractive lady ghost with a strong sexual appetite that cannot be satisfied because she has no physical manifestation

what do you think? do any of these characters spark an interest? like to see more? think you can write a story for them? go on then, but i hold the copyrights.

oh yes, the BANAL PIG JOKEBOOK will also be coming soon, so some of YOUR better jokes could be in there. what about that? sounds good eh? Participation?

Unstructured post.

Ethel Sparrowhawk

I've set up a myspace for ethel sparrrowhawk, my next venture into funny books written by Jemima Von Schindelberg (Imitation of Life, right) . www.myspace.com/ethelsparrowhawk

meanwhile, i've checked the proof and i should get bp3 back today or tomorrow. huzzah!

i wish i could do hotlinks and all that, but i cant.

FFFFFIIIIINNNNNIIIISSSSHHHHEEEEDDDDD!!!!!!

I've Fucking FINISHED Banal Pig 3! i took it into the printers this morning, and all being well, it will be ready and beautiful midweek next week in good time for the Birmingham Comic Expo. I've had a few early mornings and late nights this week to get the fucking thing done but as it stands i think i've done okay. at the time of writing i'm getting a little bit pissed and i'm gonna well enjoy my lie in tomorrow (even though i've got to work). finished! i hope there's not some fuck up. anyway i see the proof on monday and i'll let you know how it's getting on. i can also now look forward to birmingham without a gnawing sense of desperation.

POTATO JOKES

What potato leads rats off cliffs?

The MARIS PIPER of Hamlyn!

What do you call a fried grated potato who is high on drugs?

A HASHISH BROWN!

Whats a potatos favourite 70's sitcom/drama based in Vietnam?

M*A*S*H!

Theres probably more... Do me proud blog lovers!

Incompetent Shark Number 8- In Full- Free!

Hello Friends!

Here's a mouthwatering hors d'ouevre from the 75%ish complete BANAL PIG COMIC 3! In full no less! Make the most of it- you'll have to pay for everything else.

Stevo's Hot Picks

I bought Michael Kupperman's Tales Designed to Thrizzle 3 yesterday. It's brilliant- even better than number 1 which i loved (i missed number 2 somehow). I also got a book which is a frame by frame breakdown of Psycho (the film) which is rather nice, from a bootsale. i also got some socks from GAP (stripy).

What are your hot picks?

Googling Myself/ Anthology

Every few days, i google myself and banal pig to see how famous me and my comics are. i am happy that if you google banal pig all the top ten are relevant to me and the comic, but theres this one that always hovers around number 11 which is from some feminist group where banal pig appears as an anagram of their name. this annoys me a bit. theres a steve tillotson who is an expert on afghan hounds, and also one that works for the dakota department of waste management.
i found a review of the anthology that i contributed to, dan lester's Crap Your Pants Anthology, which does suffer from the narrow subject field (shitting yourself). and fair play to dan, he has publicised it far and wide- it pops up all over the place (unfortunately it invariably gets slagged off). i did an uncle ken strip which was quite good, and the review says that mine is one of the four strips worth bothering out of the (18 story) anthology, which is fair enough.
i suppose its good to stand out in a thing such as this with your peers, and i'm happy with it obviously, but it makes me think about my own anthology i'm planning. anthologies are always let down by a few really shit things, and i am going to attempt to create one which has no shit in it. i think open submissions is a bad idea for this because it seems crap people have a lot of time on their hands, so i'm concentrating on inviting people that i know will produce the goods. hopefully having a mix of prose, art and comics will give it a bit of an edge.

is it possible, a 100% quality (small press) anthology? has anyone ever seen one?

What do you want to do when you grow up?

I dont know, perhaps i'll work in a storage centre, i'll probably stay in education for the first 24 years of my life, then i'm bound to get a good job, arent i? or perhaps getting a masters degree will just make it all the more humiliating when i get a job i could have done when i was 16. i know i'll make comics. this way i can spend the majority of my free time slaving over tiny details which will go unnoticed by the person who pities me enough to by a copy (while the other 100 go unsold) as he occupies himself in five idle minutes on the shitter.
the only career choice worse is to be a "proper" artist, where you spend all your money (earned at your shit job) on putting a show together on the off chance that someone with influence will see it and instantly catapult you to fame and fortune. what actually happens is your friends and colleagues come to the private view, drink all the booze which is laid on by you and go home. for the next 2 weeks you "invigilate" the show, as a maximum of 2 people visit per day at the gallery you are paying a kings ransom for and taking time off work to boot.

still, one day i'll make it and all this will be ironic and amusing. you just watch me...